random – attachment disorder

Good morning,

I am waiting to return to my therapy and just musing quietly, because I cannot afford any books on attachment disorder.
How to help attachment disorder in my case:

  • Lots of solitude, sitting here by myself, just doing my own thing, I am not lonely, my friends are within reach but I am better being alone for long periods of time, this is not a cure, but it helps keep the disorder quiet and under control. If I was being crowded and over-looked-after and intensely helped by people who misguidedly want to ‘love me better’ or ‘heal’ me, I would start going bonkers with distress because I have no ability to respond appropriately to close involvement, this is why ‘care’ doesn’t work for me, because I actually look after myself in basic needs, as best I can in poverty, but if anyone tries to look after me, I just get mad with distress, because the normal responses in me are messed up. This and autism spectrum, leads to me getting very angry and saying things I shouldn’t and running away.
  • Independence, with friends around but not closely involved. We have a good balance here, I have friends nearby and further away, who are on the phone and email, and I see them at church or when I can, but they do not do the intense but misguided ‘healing’ thing that a number of over-zealous ‘Good Christians’ have tried to do, and harmed me and them. Intense involvement would not help me or anyone being intensely involved, because I am avoidant and react badly, the only thing that can change this is therapy.
  • Therapy, I will have attachment therapy, it has taken until this year to realise that attachment disorder was the main problem, but it is at the core of my problems, and I need to realign my ability to bond and to break unhealthy bonds. I still also need EMDR, but I believe that the attachment therapy is a priority, because I can’t see EMDR working unless a proper foundation or healthy interaction with people is there first. That is my theory.
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