During 2006 I owned and read a great book called ‘Homecoming’ by John Bradshaw, I did not really understand that it was about attachment, nor did I really understand attachment theory, but nonetheless I found the book one of the most profoundly helpful self-help books I had found, and I had been working through all sorts of self-help programmes since I left my family.
It is written in terms that ordinary people can understand and does not claim to be an attachment theory manual. It effectively explains attachment problems and how to work through them.
At the same time I was receiving very helpful counselling from a very good counsellor, and although I didn’t know it at the time, she was working with me with attachment theory in mind.
My counsellor only stopped working with me as she retired and I moved away to college, and sadly I never really found someone of her skill to replace her.
Changes in my life, including a year at college, the damaging relationship with the Lihous and being without a therapist led to the attachment work being lost
But anyway, although at the time ‘Homecoming’ described to me how my family could really never be replaced and that gap had to be filled by me being my own parent and decision maker, I still had a longing to belong to a family and to be loved and accepted, this led to me ending up in the wrong hands firstly then in 2006 and then with the churchwarden and his wife in Jersey. Which reinforced the fact that belonging to another family doesn’t really happen, or very rarely, and that motives for ‘adopting’ a vulnerable or isolated person are usually the wrong ones.
It is since being on the streets that I have really learned to be comfortable in my independence, and have come to understand the attachment disorder that prevents me from feeling safe with close involvement despite my old longing to belong, the damage to me by the church of England and the trauma with that and the lack of trust I have for anyone who tries to help that stems from continued interference by the diocese compounds all of this.
But anyway, in my recent research into disorganized attachment which I have been doing in order to help myself and help others to help me, I remembered ‘Homecoming’ and ordered a copy.