Just me?

I don’t usually engage with the Jersey Deanery’s condemnation of me, because basically my answer wont change their view any more than Jesus could change the Pharisees’ view, and because, as my counsellor used to say to me, I know the truth of my story.

If I was just a serial troublemaker and ‘wicked’ as the Dean said, why did the Lihous want to be in contact with me in Jersey, why did they send me chocolate (apart from showing off, because it was from Switzerland) and why did they come to meet me and ask me to go back and stay with them while I was in Jersey?
Why did Jill Lihou phone me every single night when I had moved to Dorset, and why did they come and see me in Dorset?
Why did the Lihous leave me in charge of their house while they were away, twice, once when they went on holiday and once when they were staying at Phil and Heather Warren’s rectory in Jersey and looking after their grandchildren?
Why did other people in the Lihou’s church also have me to house sit and garden for them if I was some random troublemaker?

Why did JM take me to New Zealand in 2005 instead of taking her husband with her, when she was having a sabattical without him? when she gave me her mobile number while she was on sabattical but no-one else in her congregation could contact her?
Why did JM walk with me ever single morning for years if I was just a troublemaker?
Why did JM invite me to stay with her twice while I was in Jersey, once in the autumn and once at Easter, even though she knew about me and her husband?
When did I become a random troublemaker?

Well, when I first spoke to the churchwarden about his church, and was getting very distressed about what he was doing, and he was having conversations with the Vicar and his wife about me and explaining away but no-one was prepared to actually speak to me, the churchwarden had met the Lihous, knew they were heather Warren’s parents, knew I didn’t get on well with Heather Warren’s parents, probably decided that could be used against me. He also knew from questioning me deeply about having been abused before, that JM’s husband had abused me, and when JM was involved, which was before I told the Dean he could contact her, she was involved by the Churchwarden and the Dean, who tried to use her to get me to hush, but I didn’t hush, she told the churchwarden he had done wrong things, but she continued to be involved, behind my ack and without my consent, and her husband’s misconduct was brought into it, and to the attention of the diocese eventually.
At which point, all these problems were lumped together as me being a troublemaker.

At the time, it was repeatedly ignored that I had many friendships that were not unhealthy or abusive, but, most of my friendships were with people in the church of England, mainly in Hampshire, and the Diocese wiped these out by interference, and ‘warning’ people about me when I returned to Hampshire from Jersey in 2010. The level of emotional damage done to me by that has been horrific, but as long as the Diocese covered their back and left me branded, while both the churchwarden and JM’s husband went on being protected by the church and unpunished, that’s all that matters, right?
Friendships of 10 years and more, and love and trust wiped out, do not matter to the Diocese, just as I do not matter, my thoughts, feelings and humanity do not matter, as long as I am branded so that they are not liable.

And as for the Churchwarden and FM, and JM and the Dean and all those who have branded me and protected the two abusers, of course what they have done doesn’t matter, as long as they say their lines on Sunday and remain respected members of the church.
This is why the Diocese of Winchester remains without either Christianity or Safeguarding.
Because I remain ruined, branded and condemned, unheard and still walked over by the Diocese.
Neither of the abusers have been or would be, thrown to the ground by the police and locked in a cell and jeered at, you do that to traumatized abuse survivors, not gentleman freemasons.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s