There are many and varied impacts of the Diocese’s cruelty in Jersey and Winchester, which will last me the remainder of my life.
One significant one is that I severely mistrust offers of help. especially in relation to church.
I cannot trust myself with church people because of the way the diocese went behind my back and maligned me to every church in Winchester so that I was walking around maligned, branded and shamed.
Now if a church person tries to help me, I look round for the diocese and their condemnation, and I try to escape, I can’t believe in myself and I can’t believe that a church person who tries to help me will not be taken off me, so usually I do not allow people to stay with me, either I leave or I ask them not to help me.
With a few exceptions.
I feel that I am branded by the diocese for the rest of my days and I associate any church and any church people with branding and unforgiveness and unworthiness and the danger of Jane Fisher intervening as soon as she finds me.
And judging by what has happened, my fears are justified.
I will never really feel safe in a church or with church people, however much love and acceptance there is, and that is funny because what are churches supposedly for? And what did the Diocese make church into by going behind my back and maligning me? They left me eternally separated from what should be safety, fellowship and a place where I would not be judged, until even with the lovely churches who have been alongside me, I cannot really feel safe and included, the brand of the Diocese of Winchester is very deep, and it may never be a thing I recover from.
Credit to the Churches who have nurtured and included me and tried to help.