Ok, lets see if I myself can drag myself out of the stupor and blank memory caused by trauma and do you a very brief chronology:
- Aged 19, my counsellor, who was also a vicar, was crossing boundaries and intervening in my relationships at college, she also arranged a dud work placement for me that could not possibly succeed, she then took me home to her family as I reminded her of the stepdaughter she had had to give up when she had to choose between the step-daughter and her violent tempered husband.
- I was abused by her husband aged 19 and 20.
- I became part of her church and community, she was no longer my counsellor but was in charge of my life and told people her view of me, which enraged me as it was inaccurate and unhelpful.
- There were no queries about safeguarding, the safeguarding director of the Winchester Diocese was not alerted, even when I lived with this vicar and her husband and was abused sexually and verbally by the husband and abused by the Vicar manipulating my life because I was the image of the step-daughter she had had to abandon, who was herself very emotionally damaged by her father’s violent temper.
- I continued for many years to be part of the church community and had stable, long-term friends and put in hundreds of hours of voluntary work for the church and community – but Jane Fisher had no interest in this side of my story, nor did the Jersey clergy in the recent smear campaign against me.
- After being placed in a sheltered house by the Vicar, I started to grow up and gain confidence, despite the sheltered house being an unstable setup, with a recent suicide that went undiscovered until the body started to smell, and one agency support worker who was only there part time. i did not benefit from the ‘sheltered’ environment but I did gain from being at a distance from the vicar and her husband, and when he continued advances I reported him to her.
- At first the Vicar said she believed me because her step-daughter, his daughter, had also made allegations, and that he had become impotent after she (the Vicar) refused him sex due to his tantrums, she confronted him and they had one of their (fairly regular) blazing rows, they had a period of not speaking to each other (also fairly frequent), and she got another church member who was a Freeemason in the same lodge as her husband to speak to him, while she spoke to another woman.
- When the Vicar and her husband had marital problems, which was all the time, the Vicar said she would never speak to Wolvsley about it because they were cold and they were snobbish and she wouldn’t get any help from them, she said that instead she spoke to Bishop Trevor (Wilmott) who was the then Bishop of Basingstoke, the Vicar and Bishop Trevor had a warm friendship and it was rumoured, even by the Vicar, that he fancied her. the Vicar was sad that he was going to move away.
- So before I ever made contact with the Diocese of Winchester, I had been given the impression of them by the Vicar and her husband that they were cold and uncaring and snobbish, this was reinforced several times as my years in the Diocese of Winchester continued.
A brief Chronology part 2:
- The Vicar at first said that she believed me about her husband and that her step-daughter had said the same thing about him and that she thought he had got frustrated about her refusing sex because of his tantrums, she also said that this made him impotent.
- But then she changed her tune and kept saying it was ‘six of one and half-a-dozen of the other/ that I was equally to blame or that I was wholly to blame due to being a flirt.
- This caused a permenant rift, because I continued to feel very hurt by this for the rest of the time I knew the Vicar, though we remained friends.
- The Vicar did not report the matter to the Bishop or safeguarding director. Instead, she told me that if I reported him to anyone it would be my word against his, and she wouldn’t answer when I asked her where she would be in things if I did report him.
- Later that same year she got her husband to give me lifts to church-twinning events, despite what had happened. He did start to be flirtatious again, but didn’t go very far.
- I think it is important to say at this point that I was now damaged by the Damaged by abuse and lack of safeguarding in the Diocese of Winchester on top of the background that I had come from.
- The Vicar used to go to relate because of her marital problems, she tried to get her husband to go with her, but he refused, this was previous to me being around.
- The Vicar’s parents lived with her, they said it was to ‘look after her’ because they said her husband didn’t look after her. There were often big arguments involving the whole family. while I was around, these arguments involved the Vicar helping me, me being blamed for the abuse, and how alike I was to the Vicar’s step-daughter and what her husband did to the step/daughter, the rows did not help me to recover from my childhood as it was the same sort of thing, and it left me disillusioned about the church of england and Christianity.
- I got confirmation of the Vicar and her husband’s complaints about Wolvsley when I was snubbed by the Bishop’s wife after previously being spoken to by her. I continued to be told about how cold Wolvsley could be and how they had snubbed the benefice administrator from the Vicar’s benefice.
- I didn’t blame them for snubbing him shortly after that, when he ran off with a girl from Old Alresford Place, the headquarters of the Diocese of Winchester, further dissilusioning me as he and her were both employees of the Diocese, and the Diocese is supposedly about Christianity, but the benefice administrator ran off with this other employee, leaving his wife alone and dying of cancer. This was within my first few years in the Diocese of Winchester but it took me a long time, ten years of incidents like this, to realise that the church of england do not have, promote or care about morals. I had come to the Diocese believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, as well as having a number of other ethical beliefs, which the church of england did not uphold.
- The Vicar, for some reason, presumably, but not necessarily because I told her about her husband abusing me, told me very personal things about her own sex life, and further disillusioned me.
- The things the Vicar told me included how her husband had become impotent when she refused him sex, how she and other students at college had put a copy of ‘the joy of sex’ in the College Dean’s letter tray/pigeonhole/similar and his wife had not been amused, she also told me that she had allowed herself to be picked up for sex by a married man and spent the night at his house and his wife had been angry in the morning, she also told me that she had masturbated a man from a breakdown company when she was alone in the woods with him and her broken down car while her husband had gone to get help. Telling me these things continued my disillusionment with the church of England as I could not work out how people in positions in the church and who called themselves Christians could do things like this. This also upset my own confused boundaries and I did not know what was right to talk about and what was not, as, at this time, I was still outgrowing my terrible upbringing and trying to learn where I stood as a young adult. But who has been slandered as trouble in the church? These people in positions in the church who have behaved badly? or me? me.
- I was very swiftly baptised and confirmed into the church of england, too quickly, and given no real understanding of the church, it’s calender or what confirmation meant. The people present at my baptism included the Vicar, her husband and two people who later supported the Vicar and her husband when I returned from Jersey, even though I had told them about the abuse and they had never reported it to the Diocese. My Baptism was a rush job a week before confirmation, and I wasn’t ready, nor was it a real baptism in my understanding, having been brought up to believe that Baptism was immersion, and this baptism done so quickly that I understood nothing, it was not about me but about the Vicar’s agenda and a production line confirmation. I later re-baptised myself in the sea, unwittingly upsetting a few people in church?
- Aged 20 I moved to a town away from Winchester, where I was working by then, I made the move quite suddenly and startled the Vicar, I was then living and working independently and to celebrate, I took the Vicar and her husband out for a meal, it was only at a cheap cafe and we had a laugh about it, but I had told them it was to try and express my gratitude to the Vicar for looking after me, because despite the problems, she was my friend and I loved her.