JM email

From: *********@downsbenefice.org.uk
To: *********@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 2009 02:20:58 -0700
Subject: RE: for (JM) only
Der ******
I have not replied before because you have always said any email would be deleted unread, so I just stopped trying.
I have been very sad about all that has happened, and I too have dreamed, of seeing you again and laughing and talking in our old way.
I have never stopped loving you, and I fear for you.
Do not worry about me, I am OK, and about to go away tomorrow with Annie and Mum for a fortnight.
I don’t have time to write more now, but if you want me to I will reply to future emails.
Love,
(JM)
Revd (JM)
Please note my new e-mail address with immediate effect is ***********@downsbenefice.org.uk

From: ***** ****** [mailto:*********@hotmail.co.uk] 
Sent: 18 September 2009 04:59
To: Revd (JM)
Subject: for (JM) only
Hello (JM),

I doubt that you read this, if it even gets through, the administrator reads it and deletes it.

I just had a dream, that we were friends again, it was wonderful, we walked arm in arm, I was no longer desperate outlaw being hounded for what I reported.

our friendship was full of happiness and laughter and no memory of what happened.

Then we saw a tornado approaching us, you did not seem to understand it was dangerous, I got you to run with me and I was shielding you with my body, because you were more precious to me than anything ever, and you were in real life before you betrayed me, and I would have sheltered you and given my life for you, I still would. In the dream the tornado was too close, and I tried to get you to ‘the house’ whatever house, and shielded you as the tornado hit.

I hope no tornado hits you.

I wish I could shield you.

I wish you were my dear friend,

and not part of me being dehumanised for reporting grave wrongs.

you shouldn’t have acted for the people who hurt me,

or been involved, because it was against my wishes,

nor did I report you, I would not make a complaint against you, even though you gave people the wrong image of me,

and stood and let your family attack me when I was desparate for help because of the very people who you mediated for and got involved for and spoke for when you shouldn’t.

it was the people you spoke for who caused your name or yor husband’s name to be mentioned.

but I hope you never have to deal with any consequences,

I have never wanted a tornado to hit you, no matter how you have unintentionally hurt me,

I do not think that you can possibly know from where you are, how seriously I have been damaged by what has happened,

and I doubt that the people who communicated with you because they wanted things hushed up would have told you.

but I am not mad nor criminal, I have only tried to protect others because I have been destroyed.

I hope no tornado ever hits you, I would give my life to shield you, as I tried to in my dream.

you didnt shield me, but that doesn’t matter, we are apart now. I loved you so much in the dream, and in real life I did, you were my friend, but I am me now. I couldnt be your me, I am my me, and I am also the me that those people tell people I am, because their influence is also very strong, even though I am not who they say I am.

I hope you are safe forever because it would break my heart if you were not.

*****

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