25/10/2011my teeshirt is dirty with stains on it, my clothes are beginning to smell, I need a good shower and tidy up.Thankfully I found my nailclippers and brush buried in the backpack yesterday and trimmed and scrubbed my dirty nails so they are neat and clean, and I brush my teeth even without toothpaste. please…
14/11/2011I just started crying, I am condemned by the church forever, no-one ever has or ever will call the church and clergy to account or do anything about what they do and what they get away with, and I will never recover from what they have done. 14/11/2011 I feel so useless, when does this…
(01/02/2014, I referred to the churchwarden’s wife as mummy and the churchwarden as Daddy in this post, which is what the Churchwarden used to want me to call them at home, note, the letters I wrote to the Vicar and his wife were not threatening as the Deanery appear to have claimed, but were in…
The painkillers are making me too sleepy, this is not good for a homeless person, I have been taking the lowest dose possible, and they do work, but I think I will stop taking the strong ones and just take the anti-inflammatory ones and hope the doctor agrees to the dreaded injections that will help…
Does all this make you conclude that I hate the church? I don’t, otherwise I wouldn’t try to worship each week. I hate the church’s policies and actions and the discrepancy between the way Jesus was and the way the church are, in the case of abuse and the church reaction there is no sign…
When I was young and was doing Christmas preparations with my brother,we used to listen to Christmas songs, one of them has these lines in it: Hallalujah Nowell, be it heaven or hellat Christmas we get we deserve Even as a child I puzzled over this, is the singer syaing that people get what they…
It is bitter cold outdoors, I delight in the cold and the fresh air and freedom from the church, but with the unending nightmares it is hard to believe I am out of their damaging grip. It has been maybe four months since their last devastating attack on my life and if I live it…
When it comes to feelings and memories coming up strongly as they are doing at the moment, I cannot write very easily, I am too angry, too upset, too hopeless, I feel invalidated by the church and nothing I say or do is valid in their eyes, it makes me worthless and not-human. I woke…
I feel like saying sorry. Well I am always sorry, I have spent my life being sorry, and everyone else has enforced that by telling me it is all me, even when it can’t be. No, the sorry is because I spend my time in the library reading when I am not on the computer,…
I had been treated as mad and bad by the police at all times and I was traumatised by it. In the time after the police brutalised me in that time when they got me for the Bishop not long after Anne’s funeral, I sat in the church writing out carefully what had happened and…
